Pandemic Motherhood Diary, entry 32: My choice to wear a mask

By Melissa Menny

It had been a little over a month since my second battle with COVID-19. As always, leaving home filled me with major paranoia and concern, especially when traveling alone. I ran a quick errand to the nearby grocery store, where the fear of gawking and unwanted chit-chat usually forced my guard up. At this particular moment, I couldn’t walk to my car fast enough because as soon as I crossed the driveway, a man followed behind me and questioned my choice to wear a mask. “Why do you have that mask on,” he said. I quickly countered by saying, “DON’T START.”

Universally, when a person responds firmly with “don’t start,” it is a warning to quit while they are ahead. It is to cut the statement short and allow the person to rethink their actions. It also means I am not to be trifled with; thus, heed the warning. This guy chose to proceed with his ignorance and harassment instead.

I noticed he went out of his way to follow me because his vehicle was nowhere near mine. He wanted to continue pressing me about my choice to wear a mask, alluding to the idea that the virus wasn’t to be taken seriously. As always, when chatty men decide to pursue me with unwanted conversation, I get unnoticeably nervous. I speak up very firmly, so there is no doubt about what I’m saying or trying to convey. In this case, I decided to answer his question with my own questions, like “How do you know that I’m not sick?” This stopped him in his tracks, and he decided I deserved his prayers instead of his judgment.

This moment has been one of my fears since the end of the first pandemic year. I had seen people sharing their experiences with mask-shaming conspiracy theorists and right-wing aggressors who had approached them. I had seen stories about angry anti-maskers who even called parents who masked their children “child abusers.” Studies have been done about what is driving this behavior and how to respond to it.

I have found articles describing individuals who have chronic illnesses feeling pressured to reiterate to anti-maskers the graveness of their choice to protect themselves. As if anti-maskers need to better understand the pain of others to relinquish some ounce of sympathy. It is as if we must bargain with aggressors to get them to accept our choice to protect ourselves. The fact of the matter is we should be able to do as we please without jumping through hoops or pulling out our violins. Nowadays, minding one’s business needs to become an etiquette lesson.

Unfortunately, I found this interaction inevitable. Every time I wore a mask, looked around, and saw next to no one wearing one, I anticipated the friction. Not because I wanted to be harassed but because it was not a secret that not only did many Americans move on from fearing the virus, but many never believed it was real in the first place. The anti-mask protesters who believed wearing one trampled on their freedom wasn’t a fever dream. People who believed that were much closer than I wanted to know.

In the end, I was able to breathe a sigh of relief. Based on everything I have seen since the pandemic started, it could have gone several ways. In each scenario, it could have been worse. I’m grateful that the anti-masker had sense enough to at least dismiss himself. My only thought now is how I would respond if my kids were in the equation, and hopefully, I never have to find out.

Melissa Menny is an author with a Bachelor of Arts degree in Journalism. She is a poet and a writer in all aspects. When she is not working, she enjoys painting, music, and spending time with her husband and two sons.

This is the most recent in a series of essays about raising young children in the COVID era. Read entry 31 here.